Pity Diary,

Dear DIEary,“Hey do you believe in try and try until you succeed?” She said while...

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:46:45 -0400

Dear DIEary,

“Hey do you believe in try and try until you succeed?” She said while fidgeting the plant pot between her legs.

I looked at her “ Don’t you mean try and try until you die?” My eyes shifted towards the plant.

A small laugh escaped her mouth “ silly, no one wants to die with wasted efforts you know. They all want to witness how their seeds that they planted will grow.” She waved her hand as if dismissing that subject. “ back to the topic. So do you believe?” Her eyes now directly looking at me as if searching for some answers.

“I..” I started to feel uncomfortable because of how she stared at me. “ I think that normally.. well… I mean there’s no assurance that you’ll succeed right? No matter how many times you try or fall down, there’s a huge possibility that you’ll have wasted efforts. So in short. I don’t believe in it.” I let out an awkward laugh to make this conversation more comfortable.

With eyes still gleaming for more answers she fought back. “ but there’s a huge possibility also that you might succeed you know. Don’t just easily decide like that.” She rolled her eyes as if she’s making me understand that there’s a flaw in what I said.

I abruptly snatched the plant from her and I positioned it on my lap “ As you can see. There’s a thing we call limits. No matter how hard you try there will be a time that you’ll feel exhausted and will start to question your decision. No matter how much you believe in yourself. There will be a time that… that belief that you hold so tight between your hands, will start to crumble and turn to dust.” I took a deep breath and I payed more attention to the plant.

“ Look at this plant. No matter how much you put effort to water it daily and bask it in the sunlight. When someone would trip over it and spilled the soil. There are some soils that you can’t put back the way they were positioned. Think about that. The cycle repeats itself. Now. Imagine how the plant will look like? It will die. The foundation that supported the plant had decreased to a whole level. That the plant had withered, carrying your wasted efforts” I said the last word with a shaking voice.

I looked at her and I saw how her usual smile turned into a frown. How her eyes that was gleaming in joy, now covered with moist.

It looks like she wanted to tell me something but decided to stay quiet. Maybe because she knows that what I said was something personal and I said it not to have a reply but to reach an understanding.

Dear DIEary,I wonder if I lost those special people, would I eventually lose myself as well?

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:10:27 -0400

Dear DIEary,

I wonder if I lost those special people, would I eventually lose myself as well?

Dear DIEary,It hurts. It hurts so much. Why? Why? I was temporarily fine, I’m okay on my own....

Thu, 22 Mar 2018 09:24:53 -0400

Dear DIEary,

It hurts. It hurts so much. Why? Why? I was temporarily fine, I’m okay on my own. I was able to live a life that doesn’t chain me down for a while. Maybe, nothing lasts forever. The chains that was binding me, I can feel it right now creeping through my skin, my soul, my mind ang caging my heart. I really really hate it, I was okay in laying low, I was okay not standing out, I was okay giving the lime light to other people, but why? When, It didn’t matter for a while. My achievements, It doesn’t mean a thing. It doesn’t matter to me but why do I feel so attacked? My achievements, my past, the pressure is slowly pulling me down and I can’t do anything. When I tried to live my life by being contented with nothing, why did you have to give me something to expect? Why?

Dear DIEary, When I was over thinking about stuffs. I couldn’t help but to reminisce about the...

Tue, 20 Mar 2018 08:24:26 -0400

Dear DIEary,

When I was over thinking about stuffs. I couldn’t help but to reminisce about the past. I’m thinking how would the past me react? These past few days I was really sad, I was depressed, all I could do was cry all night. Then, I questioned myself, I was never like this, something definitely changed, I’m not usually like this, I’m more than this, at that time I realized that something precious was taken away from me. The secret as to how I was able to survive in this world despite all the negative things happening, it’s because of my madness. I know it sounds crazy but that is definitely the reason, I remember that I don’t cry for simple things. For me crying was a sign of weakness but now look at me, I never knew I turned out so pitiful. Whenever I feel that the sadness has started to swell, all I need to do is to turn it or convert it into madness, in that way I won’t feel bad, I won’t feel sad. That madness that I once had made me achieved greater bounds but because I’ve lost it, it was replaced by kindness, It brought out the worst of me. Now, that I once had realized that my past decision was so foolish, I am thankful again that once again, I found my madness.

Dear DIEary,I am the love I push away.I am the lost, the gone astray.The outcast of my universe.The...

Tue, 13 Mar 2018 10:18:10 -0400

Dear DIEary,

I am the love I push away.

I am the lost, the gone astray.

The outcast of my universe.

The intruder of my barren land.

- By Artificial Human

Dear DIEary,“You can be naked with someone and remain unknowable. You can be someone’s secret...

Mon, 12 Mar 2018 21:44:07 -0400

Dear DIEary,

“You can be naked with someone and remain unknowable. You can be someone’s secret without ever knowing what the full secret is. You can know he’s even more scared than you are, but that doesn’t make you any less scared yourself.”

― David Levithan, You Know Me Well

Dear DIEary,To hate something that you used to love is such a painful feeling.

Sun, 04 Mar 2018 07:14:15 -0500

Dear DIEary,

To hate something that you used to love is such a painful feeling.

Dear DIEary,Don’t walk out of your own heart in order to make room for someone else. -...

Sat, 03 Mar 2018 11:43:36 -0500

Dear DIEary,

Don’t walk out of your own heart in order to make room for someone else. - madalinacoman

Dear DIEary,Don’t wiah for a love that returns. When you deserve a love that stays....

Sat, 03 Mar 2018 10:24:42 -0500

Dear DIEary,

Don’t wiah for a love that returns. When you deserve a love that stays. -madalinacoman

Dear DIEary,A heart doesn’t have to stop beating to be dead.

Sat, 03 Mar 2018 07:44:30 -0500

Dear DIEary,

A heart doesn’t have to stop beating to be dead.

Dear DIEary,Having the best has a consequence.

Sat, 03 Mar 2018 07:34:26 -0500

Dear DIEary,

Having the best has a consequence.

Dear DIEary,I am tired of this place, I hope people changeI need time to replace what I gave awayand...

Wed, 28 Feb 2018 05:36:50 -0500

Dear DIEary,

I am tired of this place, I hope people change

I need time to replace what I gave away

and my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small

Though I try to resist, I still want it all…

Dear DIEary,The pieces all fit together. Yet everything was falling apart.

Thu, 22 Feb 2018 04:52:25 -0500

Dear DIEary,

The pieces all fit together. Yet everything was falling apart.

Dear DIEary,The saddest love story is not the ones broadcasted or seen in the movies,but the ones...

Fri, 09 Feb 2018 08:54:56 -0500

Dear DIEary,

The saddest love story is not the ones broadcasted or seen in the movies,but the ones that are hidden and never be told.

Dear DIEary,“Your positive thinker may do well in suburbia but I’d rather be with a lucid...

Sat, 20 Jan 2018 04:51:57 -0500

Dear DIEary,

“Your positive thinker may do well in suburbia but I’d rather be with a lucid depressive in the Arctic, where survival depends on precision and not fooling yourself about your chances on the ice.”

― Gwyneth Lewis, Sunbathing In The Rain: A Cheerful Book About Depression

Dear DIEary,“In the throws of depression, one reaches a strange point at which it is impossible to...

Sat, 20 Jan 2018 04:51:02 -0500

Dear DIEary,

“In the throws of depression, one reaches a strange point at which it is impossible to see the line between ones own theatricality and the reality of madness. I discovered two conflicting qualities of character. I am melodramatic by nature; on the other hand, I can go out and “seem normal” under the most abnormal of circumstances. Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, “never real and always true”, and that is how depression feels. You know that it is not real, that you are someone else, and yet you know that it is absolutely true. Its very confusing.”

― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

Dear DIEary,Sometimes, maybe prayers are not heard.

Sat, 20 Jan 2018 02:54:21 -0500

Dear DIEary,

Sometimes, maybe prayers are not heard.

Dear DIEary,The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be...

Mon, 15 Jan 2018 21:53:47 -0500

Dear DIEary,

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

But you couldn’t even make a difference nor be happy yourself. The only thing you could comply is being useful.

Dear DIEary,I crave your love so deeply because I am empty.

Mon, 15 Jan 2018 21:52:22 -0500

Dear DIEary,

I crave your love so deeply because I am empty.

Dear DIEary,All of the disadvantage in this world stems from a person’s lack of...

Mon, 15 Jan 2018 21:50:41 -0500

Dear DIEary,

All of the disadvantage in this world stems from a person’s lack of ability.“

- Kamishiro Rize ( Tokyo Ghoul )